


In Another World

by The_Jade_Goblin



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Extreme angst, F/M, Solavellan, buckle up kids its gonna be a bumpy ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 06:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11618337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: “Solas, va’lath vir suledin.” Her eyes were desperate, as though she could read his thoughts, and knew he was about to disappear from her life again.“I wish it could vhenan,” was what he answered.In another world vhenan. He tore himself from her, and turned away. Her words came back to him like a ghostly breeze.Why not this one?





	In Another World

“ _You_ are Fen’Harel.”

Her voice reached him as though she were a million miles away, still lingering in the corners of his dreams, the back of his mind where she often dwelled. But this was different. She stood before him, in the flesh after so long, and he could scarcely believe it.

It felt like a lifetime since he’d seen her, and yet also as though no time at all had passed. She hadn’t changed much; her dark brown hair was longer now, much longer, tied in a complicated set of intricate braids and knots, twisting together to tie behind her head in a way that would certainly leave her hair frizzy and crimped once taken out, like it had when she’d taken her hair out after Halamshiral. Solas remembered her combing her hair for hours afterwards to tame it, even then it was difficult for her and wasn’t that long.

The brightest thing about her was still her eyes, indigo splashed in their depths like violet waters swimming amidst her golden brown skin, no longer marked by the vallaslin, but every inch as beautiful as when he first laid eyes on her. Her ruby lips still bore the same scar, puckering the skin around the edges, which had always gently grazed Solas’ own lips when they grasped at hers. She was exactly the same, yet she was completely different.      

“Well done.”

The praise was hollow; defeat in his voice. He knew, that one day, it would come to this point. He could not hide from her forever, though he tried.

“I was Solas first, Fen’Harel came later. An insult I took as a badge of pride,” he said. “The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends, and fear in my enemies. Not unlike ‘Inquisitor’ I suppose.”

She smirked at the irony, though it was barely visible across her face. Her eyes darkened.

“And now you know. What is the old Dalish curse? May the Dread Wolf take you?”

She looked away, snorting quietly to herself. “And so he did.”

“I did not. I would lay with you under false presences,”

“ _Ma harel lasa_!” she faced him again, eyes blazing with fury.

Yes. He’d lied to her. He deserved her anger. She had certainly earned it.

“Only by omission.”

“ _Ma lasa binal’ghilana!”_ she had stepped forward, closer now, closer than she’d been even in his dreams.

He wanted to step back, to back away from the pain in her eyes, but he stood, and he bore it.

“What would you have had me say? That I was the great adversary in your people’s mythology?” he asked, desperated to make her understand.

He couldn’t have told her. How could he have told her? How could he watch her heart shatter before him, more than he’d already had?

“I would have had you **_trust_** me!”

Ah. There it was. The sound of his heart tearing into pieces.

Her angry snarl hit him harder than a physical assault, forcing his eyes away from hers. He couldn’t bear to look at her, couldn’t bear to see that betrayal in her eyes any longer.

“ _Ir abelas, vhenan_ …” he whispered.

“Solas…” she was quieter now, and sounded very much on the verge of tears.

He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting more than anything for this moment to not exist.

“ _Vhenan_ …if you had just _told_ me…”

 _Stop_. He wanted to say. _Please stop_.

“I loved you, did you really think I wouldn’t have understood?”

 Of course she would say that. Of course it would have been that easy. And he knew it too, deep down. If he had have told her, she would have accepted it. She would have loved him no less. But he’d been afraid. Afraid of her reaction, afraid of everything. She made him afraid.

“Then you would have to bear the same burden I do.” He told her, finally looking back at her.

“I want to. _Ma ghilana vhenan_.” She smiled then, her eyes glassy with unshed tears, but her smile true and pure.

She reached out, and touched his cheek, ignoring the way he flinched at her touch, and cupped the side of his face in her palm. She kept smiling, though it was the most heartbreaking smile Solas had ever seen.

“What my people say about you is wrong. I saw the truth passing through the Crossroads.”

“What you saw was a version of the story that gives me far more credit than I deserve.”

She shook her head, reaching up with her other hand, holding his face gently.

“I know the truth, because I _know_ you. I know _Solas_ , as you are, not Fen’Harel, not what the People made you into. I know there’s a good man beneath it all, because I’ve seen it. And I’ve loved him. I still love him.”

A few tears threatened to escape, and Solas could stay still no longer. He reached, and brushed the droplets away before they could fall. Her smiled wavered, but didn’t vanish. Carefully, he took her hands, and removed them from his face, though he did not let them go.

“I should have known better.” He murmured. “I should have known you better; but I walk the Din’anshiral, there is only death on this path. I will restore the elven people, even if it means this world must die.”

“Die…? Why does this world have to die?”

“The return of my people, means the end of yours.”

He let her go, walking away from her. As he’d expected, she followed.

“Wait, let me help you Solas.”

“I cannot do that to you _vhenan_.” He stopped, but didn’t face her.

Of course she would help. It was in her nature. She helped everyone, loved everyone. It was what she was named for: Halani. A simple name, but a truly amazing woman. Such a beautiful soul did not deserve to be mired in the darkness of his.

“But you would do it to yourself? I cannot bear the thought of you alone _ma vhenan_.”

“I would not have you see what I become.”

“Solas, this world dying doesn’t have to be the answer. There could be another way. I could help you find it. _Please ma vhenan_ , don’t make me fight you. You know I will have to stop you if you do this.”

“I know you will try _vhenan_.”

The sudden shriek pierced his heart as she fell to her knees in pain, clutching her glowing hand. She was running out of time. He turned to her. She looked up at him, lost eyes searching for salvation in his face.

“ _Vhenan_?” her plea was simple, but the most complicated thing in the world.

It said so many things; don’t leave me like this, don’t leave _us_ like this, help me, let _me_ help _you_ , please _please_ don’t go again, don’t run from this. But he had to. Running from her seemed to be what he was best at, even if he wasn’t very good at _staying_ away.

“Solas _, va’lath vir suledin.”_ Her eyes were desperate, as though she could read his thoughts, and knew he was about to disappear from her life again.

“I wish it could _vhenan_ ,” was what he answered.

In another time, another world, he would have answered such a plea. But this wasn’t another world.

She watched him as he walked away, leaving her with a kiss and a promise to never forget her. For another girl, that would have been it. But she wasn’t another girl.

“No you _don’t_!”

She clawed her way to her feet, took after him, determined not to let him disappear through that glass. She reached out, felt the fabric of his sleeve slip between her fingers. Only glass met her, she hit the mirror with a thud; Solas vanishing behind the sheen.

“No!” she shrieked. “No, no no! Solas! _Solas_!”

She beat at the glass, but to no avail. Every attempt she made only fueled her desperation, until at last her body was black and blue from ramming herself into the mirror, and finally she slumped against the cool glass, and slid to the ground. She paid no mind to the pain in her arm, she curled up to tuck it under her knees, tears welling in her eyes, and she screamed.

The howl she let out was so loud she wouldn’t be surprised if they heard her in the Anderfels. It was dark by the time her eyes ran dry and her throat, so hoarse from screaming, refused to make another sound. And he was there, all that time, just out of reach. Though she couldn’t see him beyond the glass, there he stood, head bowed, silent. This was his punishment. This, he had caused. He deserved to hear her anguish, her torment, yet another one of his endless mistakes.

He knelt down to her now silent figure, putting his hand up to the glass like he could reach out and touch her; he could, it would be so easy to just reach out through the glass…but if he did, he knew he was gone. One touch of her silken hair, one caress of her soft skin, and he was sure to abandon his two years of work and his cause could not be abandoned, the People needed him.

But he needed her.

 _In another world vhenan._ He tore himself from her, and turned away. Her words came back to him like a ghostly breeze.

_Why not this one?_

 


End file.
